dear carter, i still remember meeting you. i thought "wow, it's easy to make friends out of college. people are so smart! and funny!" you had just moved to northwest arkansas from colorado. i, too was new to fayetteville & had just graduated from the university of texas. i was 21. you were 46. we hit it off right away. you taught me great words like "detritus" and introduced me to the music of bob dylan. i shared my love of alexander calder mobiles & modern pre-fab architecture and played you bare naked ladies albums (i loved that you loved them). we discovered that we both loved old maps, tom petty, and the colorful craftsman style bungalows that peppered downtown fayetteville. i will always treasure the hours we spent together - going to breakfast early in the morning, walking through the fayetteville farmers' market on the square, exploring old bookstores, or just driving around and pointing out things that intrigued us. i remember the hospital calling – six years ago?- i was your emergency contact. you had a heart attack. i ran out of work & drove straight to the hospital. i walked in and said "i am mark steele's daughter" (knowing they would only let family into the ccu). they said "he said his daughter would come in." i always thought that was cute - we both thought of the same sneaky thing. i was so grateful that you were alive. i held your hand and we laughed and talked. i hugged you and told you how much i loved you. that was the first time i said it. it felt natural. and i reminded you that i love you thousands of times ever since. most people never understood our friendship. but we did. i'm so grateful we did. i love you, sam.