i was always worrying about him. always asking him to call when he got back to his home (his car was not the most reliable, and he never felt he needed a cel phone). he would always forget to call. when he visited, he would go for walks at night around my neighborhood. i would worry when he was gone longer than usual. i tried to explain to him that my worrying was just because i cared about him & i wanted him to be safe. i really wish i had spent less time worrying. it got me nowhere. you can't control someone's safety. when it's time, it's time. there's nothing i could have done to protect him when his time came. this is a lesson for me. even now, i have to trust. trust that he's okay. he's safe.